Randy Lanier’s Prison Diary
We have been locked down for the last 10 days. On the 26th of May officers were called to a unit to pat search several inmates. Eleven of the inmates had knives in their possession. Possession of a knife is a 100 series write up, and a trip to the bucket /SHU Special Housing Unit, AKA the hole for at least 30 days.
None of the inmates are talking about why they all had knives. The administration has plenty of informers in all of the housing units, so I am sure they have an idea. On the second day of lockdown they began interviews. They interviewed the whole joint. 1500 people.
Every inmate knew the Mexicans were preparing to attack the Puerto Ricans. The whole compound knew that there was tension over the handball courts. Several years ago we had a battle here at Coleman that took twenty three men to the hospital for stab wounds. That battle was between two Mexican gangs. I happened to be in the bleachers that day watching a softball game. Around ten men with knives did a surprise attack on about thirty men. There was so many men stabbed that the officers ran out of stretchers. It was such a battle that the administration had to get other officers from other prisons within the complex to help assist. There were so many serious wounded that the Medivac Helicopters had to form a landing pattern to take the seriously wounded to the hospital.
Fortunately that did not happen this time. It is insane how people allow their perspective, their ego, and their emotions take them down such a violent path.
When I first came to prison in the late ’80s I thought I needed to fight if I was being disrespected. I thought I would gain respect if everyone knew I had no fear of the consequences.
Now I understand that respect from others is not needed. By being true to myself, I will respect all others. They in turn will respect me. If you are true to your self, there can never be fear.
Often gang members try to instill fear because they live in fear. These people who were ready to stab and kill must experience certain situations in order to get rid of certain tendencies. God has a way of attracting to us situations that make us deal with our tendencies. Whether it be a control issue , a fear issue, addiction, compulsion, aversion, inhibition, misidentification etc. This is part of the journey we all are on.
This is the land of Karma. We all will experience certain karma. We can not always control what happens to us, however we can determine how we choose to experience what happens to us. This is what free will is.
Realizing that I have the ability, and the power to live in a state that does not get affected is the beginning of true freedom. My imprisonment lies in the bondage that arises when I allow my self to be affected by outer appearances. The truth of the matter is the true self is never affected only our ego, our emotions, and thoughts are affected. We experience suffering, depression and a host of of other things due to our mistaken identity. We identify with our body, our mind, our emotions, and out thoughts. We to often think these are things are who we are. By thinking this is who we are it becomes real to us.
If you ever want to find a solution to a problem, or a feeling about a relationship all you have to do is change the way you think . By seeing the person in his or her highest way you will develop a different perspective.
Our personal reality is experienced by the way we define, and describe our selves and our lives. We can experience the world for what it is by maintaining the right perspective. This is why it is important to keep in mind the true essence and meaning of life. Love is the true essence, and we are here to Know the Self.
The awareness or the truth affects the quality of our life dramatically. All relationships are improved when we have an understanding that we all share the same Inner SELF. What is the knower of what we know and the seer of what we see is consciousness. This is the inner Self. This is God.
One of the greatest qualities about being spiritually awakened is nothing is taken so seriously that you feel the need to be violent.