Since I last posted we all have experiences the start of a new year. After being released from prison, I continuously experience a feeling of a new beginning. I have a sense that something great will occur. Each day is full of wonder and excitement.
As I approach this new beginning and develop new relationships and experience long standing relationships I notice that my heart and mind is profoundly awakened by the context of these relationships. This instills within me the feeling of loving kindness.
The response I have received from family, friends, and the community is overwhelming. I have been offered the opportunities to drive in a few races in a series called “American Endurance Racing.” I also have an offer to do some laps with a race team when they test. It is an amazing feeling to have such great people in my corner.
The halfway house that I currently reside in took away accessibility to the one terminal that allowed internet access and email. Some residents got caught watching porn.
My daughter recently went back home to Colorado. She and my son, along with my ex-wife, have been taking me to work. My daughter left her car with me. Driving gives me a sense of independence and freedom.
Gratitude is a large part of my daily life. One thing I have been noticing is the enticement of immediate gratification. I find it is difficult to stay in touch with my deepest self due to desires of immediate gratification. It is easy to get caught up in the surface world of desire. I do not reject desire. I believe desire can help us experience love and tenderness and we then experience being in the moment. However, finding the correct balance with desire is important.
I have come to understand that it is very important to develop tolerance and have much patience. It is easy to focus on outer relationships. However, when we do this we find we forget about the inner self we all have.
Focusing on the inner self allows us to see people for their lovable selves instead of the image they be portraying…or the image we may not want to see.
I have two months remaining in the half way house. I am looking forward to putting my toes in the water, along with a fishing line. I am looking forward to visiting with family and friends when I want. I am looking forward to all life has to offer. I am looking forward to freeing my mind from my past conditioning. Freedom is near!
With much love,